STEAM, also known as science, technology, engineering, art and math, is a new learning style that most education systems are starting to incorporate into curriculums. Yo-Yo Ma states “together, art and science can create an ‘edge effect.'” However, previously STEM (science, technology, engineering, and math) was used in the educations systems, and this method was sufficient enough. Although art may be able to provide skills such as creativity, imagination, many are able to learn those aspects through the sciences, and are able to grow as a learner without art needing to be added in.
I think this is a super good paragraph!! The only recommendation I have would be to expand and add more of your own ideas. It does a very good job of summarizing and negating, just make sure to have more commentary about the ideas and why some people would be on Yo-Yo Ma’s side and then it will be perfect!
This is a very strong paragraph. You have a strong summary include and an equally strong negation of Yo-Yo Ma’s position to transform STEM into STEAM by incorporating the arts. I would add in more personal opinions on the subject, and more reasons to not change STEM into STEAM and more opinions of Yo-Yo Ma to strengthen and add more to the paragraph as a whole.